28 February, 2008

Intern Sweatshop: A New Series

One of the great things about working at a mid-size agency: you get the opportunity to stick your hands in the guts pail of sundry tasks and duties; job titles are more like suggestions than pay grades. I rather like that. Only downside is these duties sometimes eat into my non-billable tasks such as throwing prima donna temper tantrums, stealing editors' food from the kitchen, and, most importantly, the sweet release of blogging. It's a busy time around the shop as of late and, seeing as how I can only expect the Cap'n to post so many ad blogs about shots to the groin and pooping snowmen, we're going to open up a new series 'round these parts.

Submitted for your approval, the first in a series of blogs from our agency's favorite renewable source of semi-forced free labor, the intern pool. --ed.

The Starbucks Shutdown
National companies thrive on television advertisements as a way to pound their ideas into the minds of consumers. Up until recently, Starbucks hasn’t followed this mantra. Somehow, it still manages to maintain a healthy caffeinated cult. But on February 26th those who worship at the altar of the almighty non-fat frappe were forsaken. For three hours anyway. Starbucks closed its 7,100 doors for a “coffee break” to retrain unenthusiastic baristas. Americans had a caffeine meltdown. The news was posted nationally across the U.S. in papers, on the internet, and on television, inadvertently giving Starbucks what they are known for not doing: advertising.

What happened to Dunkin Donuts, or reasonably priced 7-Eleven for coffee, or any other advertising coffee joint?

Well, Dunkin Donuts got wind of the “coffee break” and made a pitch to win over Starbuckees by giving out free coffee; they needed to. It was an attempt to save some face. Perhaps we can distract you with our new foam-filled latte. We even made it somewhat expensive and tiny, although not up to par with the normal four-dollar tall Starbucks latte. Maybe a box of munchkins will make up for a three-hour caffeine-induced headache.

Americans need Starbucks coffee like they need cigarettes or Britney Spears in tabloids drinking Starbucks while smoking cigarettes. Dunkin Donuts can probably give up hope to win over Starbuckees. Overly-priced coffee is what the world wants, not Milky Way hot chocolate. Sorry, guys.

Megan Stewart, Intern

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