Intern Sweatshop: Friday Ad Haiku: Thanksgiving

RUN! SPONGEBOB'S GOT THAT CRAZED LOOK IN HIS EYE!


Having run the cider spigot of haikus dry, we're punting again to our intern this week. Heather, take it away!

Thanksgiving fever is contagious! From great sales at malls to tramplings at Wal-Mart, from football games to cozy autumn food, and from apple cider to...spiked apple cider. It’s hard not to catch it. With a three-day work week, followed by an extended weekend, and enough food to keep you full for days, it’s easily one of the most popular American holidays. This is sadly, completely overshadowing the actual history behind the “holiday” and what truly went down between those pilgrims and Native Americans. But no need to rain on the Macy's Day Parade. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

For Your Friday Ad Haiku Pleasure: Thanksgiving

Turkey, stuffing, pie
Macy’s Day Parade, football!
Enjoy two days off!

--Heather Knapp, Creative Dept. Intern

Last week on the Friday 5-7-5: The Ideal Consumer

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Friday Ad Haiku, Intern Sweatshop Edition: The Ideal Consumer

Some of us see an ad and need to go out and buy that shiny new item right away. I, for one, am the prime example of this stereotype. An ad for flawless makeup, a heavenly body wash, the simplest Internet connection, the tastiest light beer, a getaway cruise…it never stops! I could be deaf and someone could sell me a set of sound speakers with the right flashy pictures and catchy slogans (if I could hear them). Alas, if only every consumer were like me.

For Your Friday Ad Haiku Pleasure: The Ideal Consumer

Ads everywhere
Bigger! Better! More! Faster!
Where’d my money go?

--Heather Knapp, Creative Dept. Intern

Last Week on the Friday 5-7-5: Office Spirit

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Friday Ad Haiku: The Memo

I entered college in the mid 90s, when the Internet was the newest big thing, when people still searched the World Wide Web with engines like Alta Vista and Magellan, when Yahoo was just another new kid on the block, and people had actually heard of Netscape. So by the time I entered the workforce, post-millennium, most businesses had Internet and email at every desk, and working in promotions and field sales, I successfully avoided an office job for many years. The other day, though, it occurred to me that in my time here at Renegade I've received many company-wide emails, but never a memo. This made me realize that the Internet, the wonderful tool we use to steal music and chuckle at so many lol-cats, killed off the long-time staple of office communiqué--the memo. So for the nostalgic office workers among you:

Your Friday Ad Haiku: The Memo

Now you are email.

Mother nature will not miss.

My inbox so full.

Gone and unnoticed,

Like a fart in a sulfur

Mine. I blame Al Gore.

--Captain Awesome, Copywriter

Last week on the Friday 5-7-5: Image

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Friday Ad Haiku: Stock Photos

We all know stock photography is life saver when it comes to quick turnarounds on print projects, comps for clients and saving huge costs on budgets. But either their search engines need a little work or photographers are really stretching the tags they use for each picture. Here are some gems we've stumbled across for various projects.

Okay, now this guy came up under a search for "lawyer," but really he looks like something out of The Neverending Story or Star Trek.

(These I found with Google.) Either way, unless your firm specializes in cases involving giant flying dogs or is on retainer for the Klingons, this image probably isn't going to help you.


These gems we found under "teacher" and "customer service representative," respectively.

Customer service rep is a world unto itself, because after looking at a dozen images, I started wondering, exactly what is the service industry you're working in? There are some "old" professions out there.

And ironically, while teacher and customer service yield images of sultry models, one of the first images for "sexy" was the first picture below, and the very first image for "woman" yielded a picture of team Japan after the World Crew Championships, and I'm pretty sure that's not even the women's team.












So in honor of the stock photos that save our hides and the many stock photo misfires that completely baffle us, your Friday Haiku:

Stock Photography

"Comp on deadline.
No budget for design. Find
pic of teacher. Thanks."

I searched stock photos
To save our hides. No teachers
But how 'bout a skank?

Previously in the Friday 5-7-5: Offending Customers

-Captain Awesome, Copywriter

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Friday (ish) Ad Haiku: 4th of July Sales

We practically let our cynical creative department intern take over the blog this week, but who really does any work around a holiday weekend? The guy who's still here after five the day before a three-day weekend. Have a nice time, Matt, editor, jerk. Anyway, here's Aditya's take on the Friday(ish) Ad Haiku--Cap'n A

More and more stores stay open on holidays, like Independence Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day...Arbor Day, to serve the most avid and deal-spelunking of shoppers. All June I've been seeing commercials featuring finger-pointing Uncle Sam cutouts, "I Want You to buy a new dining set!" and talking barbecue grills, "Have we got some HOT deals!" Please, just give me fireworks, but alas, despite hackneyed advertising schemes, my inner shopaholic still beckons. That dinet set is as good as mine.

So for your Friday(ish) Ad Haiku enjoyment: 4th of July sales.

Don’t use July 4th
To sell me stuff. Use real ploys,
Like mail-in rebates.

--Aditya Desai,

Cynical Creative Department Intern

Last week on the Friday 5-7-5: Viral Marketing

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Friday Haiku: Tech Support

Oh, we blame your magical rebooting of the great and powerful server every time the printer jams or our email won't send, but without you who would reset our PDAs and explain the difference between turning off our monitors and turning off our computers? Seriously, there's a difference.

So to the guy whose keycard is never more than a foot away, draped around the nape of his neck,

The Friday Haiku: Tech Support

Broke my computer,
Must be your fault. You should've
Known I would do this.

Are we idiots?
Maybe we love to complain.
Or perhaps we like

The twinkle in your
bloodshot eyes. But without you
Here--Lord of the Flies

--Captain Awesome

Last Week in the Friday 5-7-5: The Fridge Raider

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Friday Haiku: The Fridge Raider

This morning, I was raided. Opening the fridge to procure milk for my cereal, I noticed the top to my previously unopened quart had been torn asunder. I ascertained the identity of the culprit immediately, and she confessed the moment I casually brought the topic to light. However, the knave noted it was already opened when she purloined the silken dairy liquid, herself. So, twice today, I hath been raided.

I know I'm not the only one who has been victim to the stealthy cat burglars that swoop down upon the office refrigerator, snagging your last bit of Italian dressing or mayonnaise. One morning you have almost a full box of raisin bran, and the next it's half. One day, you have just enough cream cheese for the rest of the week and the next, you won't get through Wednesday.

So for your Friday Haiku pleasure (and my Honey Graham O's ire)...

The Friday Haiku: The Fridge Raider

My milk, my milk. Gone.

Never will it find bliss at

My bowl's cool bottom.

Today its the milk.

'Morrow, the desktop. Next week

The entire sales dept.

Savéd, we must be

From this thief in the day. My

Revenge, I will have.

--Captain Awesome, Project Specialist

Last Week on the Friday 5-7-5: Creative Meetings

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Friday Haiku: The Agency Kitchen

It's the place at the office where we congregate on breaks, where we step away from our cubicles and relax, and where we bask in aromas that make us jealous they are not ours for the taking. No, not the men's room.

I'm talking about the office kitchen. It's the home of four-month old cream cheese, the birthday cake no one at home ate, and the pot someone left an eye-dropper full of coffee in so they wouldn't have to make another.

This week, for your Friday Haiku enjoyment:

The Agency Kitchen

I've killed for popcorn.

Your creamer ate my sandwich.

That fire wasn't me.

--Captain Awesome, Project Specialist

Last Week in the Friday 5-7-5: Marketing Plans

Next Week: The Men's Room

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Friday Ad Haiku: False Advertising

When I woke up this morning, last night's "winter storm warning" was merely a light snowy fur. Of course, when I got to my car, I realized that fur covered a shell of ice. So hear's to building things up to be more than they are, things not being at all what they seem and "all the hype" not living up to expectations.

For Your Friday Haiku Pleasure:
False Advertising


Make-up. Wonderbra.
Pretty girl facade hides an
Albino scarecrow.










Previously in the Friday 5-7-5:
Account Executives




Captain Awesome, Project Specialist

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Friday Ad Haiku: Guinness

What better way to foreshadow the weekend than by dedicating the Friday 5-7-5 to the product that will factor most heavily into its success. Slainte!




I don't over-drink.
I channel my ancestors
with dirty, black pints.





Your turn: Haiku shout out for the stout from old St. James Gate...

Previous Friday Ad Haiku: Photoshop.

M.M.McDermott, ACD/Copywriter/Secret Member of the 1759 Society

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Friday Ad Haiku: Adobe Photoshop

I'm feeling pretty free and airy today. Like a summer's eve. I'm feeling like a 5-7-5 for one of the best tools in the ad shed:

Making it shiny.

Smoothing away the ugly.

Make us pretty, please.

(and oldie but goody from Jezebel)

Feel free to add your own Photoshop haiku.

M.M.McDermott, ACD/Copyguy/Photoshop Disciple

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