Intern Sweatshop: Welcome to Astrotising!
Outer space is boring. I don’t care about hot balls of gas or giant rocks spinning in the sun’s gravitational pull that may or may not support life. I don’t see the point in flying huge rockets out there to check things out. And looking at it with a telescope is social suicide – unless you’re already a nerd. The billions spent on space exploration could be used for practical, life-changing endeavors like developing hovercrafts or invisibility cloaks. We assume extra terrestrials are traveling at the speed of light and saving lives with the touch of an illuminated, long, creepy finger, why not beat them to the punch in the realm of intergalactic advertising?
No matter how much I don’t care about it, outer space is still there. It really only bothers me at night, but luckily, I figured out how to make it interesting. Despite the failed attempt by Saatchi & Saatchi to place ads on a Soviet space craft in the 90s, I have high hopes for space advertising. Doritos gave it a good shot by sending an ad out into space in March 2008. Goodby, Silverstein & Partners had the right idea by pretending they were going to project Rolling Rock’s logo on the moon. Yet, there is more to be done:
- Under Armour can make sweat and odor-eliminating Heat Gear space suits with UV-blocking fabric for close travels to the sun
- Weight Watchers and Lean Cuisine can compete to create the healthiest, most nutritious, freeze-dried dinners
- The astronauts can take a moment from their button-pushing
to enjoy a Reese’s Fast Break- The moon is perfect for green advertising – the natural illumination saves money and it has a built-in self timer
- Betty Crocker’s face in the big dipper keeps space advertising relevant
- And a secondary benefit – Mars-sized billboards floating around Earth give you something to look at when you’re stuck in traffic
The ban on “obtrusive outer-space advertising” posits a problem, but we have a progressive President who won’t care. We can throw in a “YES WE DID” sign to make him happy. All the people opposed to outer space advertising just haven’t realized how cool outer space will become. Forget 3-D Superbowl ads, we’ll project commercials on solar eclipses that can only be seen with special anti-blinding goggles. Where NASA sees the next frontier, I see great media placement.
--Erica Campbell, Terrestrial Creative Department Intern
