Intern Sweatshop: Friday Ad Haiku: The King's Comeback

It's late on a Friday, and I'm just getting to posting the haiku our intern wrote a week ago. Somebody's trying to show me up. And I can't do anything about it, because she isn't even taking this internship for credit. Goodie-goodie. But seriously, this is probably the most well-researched haiku I've ever read. And I'm still creeped out by it. Enjoy. -Captain Awesome

For people who grew up in the 90s, Burger King was a McDonald’s wannabe that, for some bizarre reason, didn’t even have a Burger King as their mascot. It wasn’t until 2003 that Burger King’s current advertising agency, Crispin Porter + Bogusky (CP+B), re-introduced the public to the creepy smile of the invasive, sneaking King.

The King hadn’t always been such a creep. Back before the 80s, Burger King had a different sort of king—a friendly, benign cartoon character outfitted with his own entourage of knights (Sir Shakes-a-Lot) and royalty (The Duke of Doubt). Cute, yes, but terribly average.

Then the revolution came—the BK Kids Club Gang dethroned the King, in a (in my opinion) failed attempt to rival McDonald’s gang of clowns, burglars and ducks. Do you remember them? I barely do.

As unmemorable as the BK Kids Club Gang was (Why a club AND a gang? To attract both nerds and gangsters?), all those years with this group of kids only paved the way to the King’s resurrection from the grave. And he has returned to power with a vengeance, creeping into people’s homes and work areas, sneaking upon them unawares, presenting them with a Whopper made just for them.

Our new King basically took a glance at Ronald McDonald, who was only borderline creepy, and said, “Bump being kid-friendly!” And ever since, he’s been terribly successful. He’s just so gosh-darned creepy that you can’t help but pay attention and remember.

So for your Friday haiku: The Burger King

Wake up with the King
Watching tenderly. You won't