13 March, 2008

Coal in your crawl and the Intern Sweatshop churns out a new one

From Producer Noah, our lovable plant-murdering, bongo-beating, Orlando Bloom stunt double on the other side of the building: a great spoof on the "benefits" of coal power.

The lung cancer lets you know it's working!


Threatened with bodily harm and tattle-taling to her college advisor, Intern Julie has no choice but to submit to the whims of the Intern Sweatshop:

A Niche Fido Won’t Itch

With the U.S. bottled water industry swimming in yearly revenues of more than $10.8 billion, there is clearly a demand for the purified potion. Consumers have found themselves turning off their faucets and turning up their noses to the thought of drinking tap water.

Companies like Pepsi and Glaceau are diving into this trend by flooding the market with enhanced, vitamin infused, flavored water, so they can ride this bottled water wave for as long as possible.

Marketers are grabbing stars like 50 cent to pimp their products as spokesmen. Even supermodel, Naomi Campbell, has taken a break from giving her housekeepers a few light slams and appeared in a SoBe Life Water commercial. She teamed with a choreographed squad of lizards and danced to Michael Jackson’s Thriller in an ad that appeared during the much-anticipated commercial breaks for 2008 Super Bowl.
Even though some of these enhanced waters are pumped with sugar and calories, consumers are still drinking it up. I even found myself buying a bottle of the pomegranate-spiked stuff, thinking all those additional “nutrients” would somehow cure my Saturday morning hangover.

This H2O craze is spilling over into the pet market, targeting those four-legged mutts who typically rely on the toilet bowl for their hydration fix. Last month, Cott Corp., in its attempt to be the first to get into this niche, introduced Fortifido-bottled water in flavors like parsley and peanut butter. Will Fido really prefer the manufactured nutty taste over his own—and can we really trust the palate of an animal that regularly has its head buried in its backside?

Just what makes marketers think dogs, who turn tricks for pig ears and marrow bones, will lap up the minty refreshment just as their owners do with Vitamin Water? From the perspective of a college kid whose been taught that history repeats itself, I’m skeptical; flavored pooch water didn’t work in 1994 with Thirsty Dog! water, and it probably won’t make too many tails wag today. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if this new water follows its predecessor down the drain.

Julie Leitch, Intern

Previously extracted from the Intern Sweatshop: Starbucks takes a coffee break.

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