The Indoor Tanning Association to the Rescue

Thanks to the Indoor Tanning Association (ITA), people everywhere now know the health benefits of looking like Johnny Bench's catcher's mitt.

The ITA has launched an aggressive campaign to open the naive public eye and expose the deceit of villains like the American Academy of Dermatologists and The Skin Cancer Foundation. The ITA campaign's website, sunlightscam.com, sums it up for those of us in the dark.

“The bottom line is clear:Don’t trust the sunscreen industry’s front groups for advice on skin cancer. Their sole interest is in adding profits to the sunscreen industry’s bottom line, not protecting your health.”

Greedy capitalists. According to the website, the ITA "represents thousands of indoor tanning manufacturers, distributors, facility owners and members from other supporting industries." But they don't care about the "all-mighty" dollar. This isn't about adding profits to the indoor tanning industry's bottom line—it's about our health. In fact, Sarah Longwell of the ITA claims that moderate tanning is becoming "just what the doctor ordered."

Perhaps my vitamin D-deficient memory escapes me, because I can't recall my dermatologist writing me a prescription for Sun Seekers Tanning. Then again, he's probably a member of the American Academy of Dermatologists. Jerk.

Now that cancer's been ruled out, we can all bake our skin without guilt—just in time for summer! Thanks, Indoor Tanning Association, for promoting the health benefits of tanning to a society that has proven, time and time again, to understand the concept of moderation.

Sorry, sunscreen industry. Maybe you should switch to wrinkle cream. Those healthy tanners are gonna need it.

This refreshing campaign opens doors for other products and habits that get bad raps. Why not put a new twist on, say, diuretics?

"Doctors" want you to believe that popping diuretics to lose weight can lead to severe liver and kidney problems. Why? Because they've been commissioned by gyms and exercise equipment manufacturers to make you think exercise is the healthy option. They've caused thousands upon thousands of overweight citizens to suffer through sprains, pulls, and soreness while "working" out. Stop believing the hype. Diuretics are the healthy and safe way to lose weight!

Can we expect the up-and-coming generations to be anorexic waifs with liver damage? Let's hope not. Yes, our industry generates advertisements to make products look good, but some level of morality and social responsibility needs to be maintained. As for ITA and their ad campaign? Well, let's just hope the general population is smarter than this young lady.

--Alicia Taft, Course Developer/Copywriter

Editors Note: After posting we realized that was not a woman, that was famed prop comedian, Carrot Top. He's still way too tan. Carrot Top, you're Irish, or at least Northern German. Just deal with it.