Intern Sweatshop: Friday Ad Haiku: Desperate Food

Alright, so we keep our interns busy, but if you had interns as good as ours, you'd put them to work too. Tomorrow, I'm getting my car detailed. So don't judge us. Just enjoy. Now excuse us, it's noon and our interns are taking us out for beers. After all it is Friday. Here's yet another edition of our 938-part series: The Intern Sweatshop.--Captain Awesome.

I think it was during the Atkins diet craze that I saw a bottle of water that had “CARB-FREE!” emblazoned on the side. Staring and smiling, I realized, even at my tender young age, that “____-free!” claims on food items were riding the coattails of popular diets hard. Water, of course, has always been carb-free. Chocolate syrup has always been low-fat, but it only started claiming that fact during the "FAT IS BAD" craze. But the eye-catching starburst catches the twitchy attention of the desperate dieter searching for anything that could wiggle in under his particular food restriction--and voila! A potentially ignored purchase is made.

A more deceptive ploy is the “Made with real _____!” claim. Technically, a smooch of 100% cheese lightly dusted on a thumb and then pressed gently against the advertised cracker validates that claim. The bigger the claim looks on the box, though, the more a Cheez-It sounds like a slice of fresh cheese, and the healthier a loaf of bread "made with whole grain wheat" sounds.

So the moral of this is: food wants to be eaten, regardless of your darn diet--and you will be trapped into eating it.


On that note, Your Friday Ad haiku: A Dieter's Epiphany:

On low-carb diet.
Ugh. Hungry, hungry, hungry—
CHILDREN ARE CARB-FREE!



- Hannah Cheng, Hungry Creative Department Intern

Previously in the Friday 5-7-5: The Writer's Hangover

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Intern Sweatshop: Hate Snuggies? Taste the Irony!

This is a public service warning: if you’ve ever made fun of Snuggies—online, over the phone, at your grandmum’s tea party—you’ve been an important part of the Snuggie Revolution.

Your ridicule was the key to the Snuggie’s success. It’s ironic, and it stinks, but it’s true. Your laughter and outrage at the original commercial piqued the interest of others. You were a link in the whole word-of-mouth chain that brought the infection to daytime television.

Sure, you may not be as guilty as Jay Leno, Ellen Degeneres and Jon Stewart, who all dedicated segments of their shows to ridiculing the oversized blanket. Regardless of who’s most at fault—the grassroots haters or the celebrity jokers—Facebook and YouTube are rife with hundreds of fans, anti-fans and parodies of Snuggies. Hundreds who have seen the Snuggie’s original commercial—and have spread the zombie virus of Snuggism.

So now, a lot of people want to buy a Snuggie. My best friend, for one. Her five-aunt-and-uncle extended family, for more.


Why? The Snuggie’s now on par with that silly Halloween costume or that perplexing high fashion outfit. It's cool to be weird! So instead of leaving their backwards bathrobe at home, people have taken the Snuggie to the street for Snuggie pub crawls.

Thanks to the Snuggie’s high demand, its creators have recently released some new sexy prints that featured in the New York Fashion Week.



Soon enough, the Snuggie will come in satin and silk—you know, for those formal/intimate (yes, they’ll be interchangeable) occasions. After all, who doesn’t want to be warm while looking absolutely snazzy?

It won’t stop there; we’ll have leather Snuggies for the tough motorcycle crowds, because they get cold too. And of course: standard cotton Snuggies for the everyday man relaxing on his day off and for the mumsies wanting to kick off all their clothes after caring for their spawn all day.

Let’s not ignore the fact that, if the Snuggie is properly secured with a belt, it could totally be work-appropriate attire. Take a moment to imagine your coworkers shrouded in the loving warmth of Snuggies. Sure, some of them might end up looking like slouches, but others could probably pull off the medieval monk look with pizazz.

Take the Grim Reaper, for example. The hard-working chap cuts quite the dashing figure.



The possibilities of Snuggie expansion are endless. So if you’re really trying to end the tyrannical reign of pants, ridicule the Snuggie some more. The cult will only grow.




Hannah Cheng, Creative Intern

Also from the Snuggie files: Stern drink s big ol' glass of Snuggie Haterade.

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The envelope, please...

So, the Baltimore Sun's inaugural Mobbies Awards results are in. And, well damn folks, we're really humbled by your support. Our lil' ol' ad blog peeped its head out in the standings here and there, and we couldn't be more pleased.

And we couldn't have done it without you. Seriously.

Below you'll find the list of the winners, conveniently compiled by the good people over at Inside Charm City. If you're in Baltimore - or are just obsessed with this town - I highly recommend checking them out; every one of 'em deserves a spot in your RSS feed. And in your hearts. [single tear]

Best Overall – Renegade Agency Confessional
Foodie – Dining Dish
Humor – The City That Breeds
Pop Culture – MamaPop
Music – Bmore Musically Informed
Neighborhood – Baltimore City’s Past and Present
Politics – Tales of Two Cities
Sports – Testudo Times
Ravens – Right Off Russell
Orioles – Camden Chat
Terps – Shell Games
Family – The Land of Bean
Personal – The City That Breeds
Photography – John Waire
Art + DIY – Baltimore Etsy Street Team
Business + Technology – Renegade Agency Confessional
Misfits: defying categorization – You Don’t Say

Now, we celebrate. If you're within gunshot range of Baltimore, get your arse down to the Metro Gallery TONIGHT to commingle with all the fine folks - the nominees, the winners, the organizers, the bartenders - who made this whole thing possible.

Click to make the map all big and stuff.

Again, thank you. From the bottom of our hearts. Or whatever it is we advertising people have pumping blood through our bodies.

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Intern Sweatshop: Friday Ad Haiku

Well, today our intern delivers a haiku on what many of us have had to endure at least once in our lives (or we've lied about it and said we haven't--not while working here of course)--going to work...with a hangover.

Let me get this out right away. I'm not advocating drinking. I'm advocating creativity through drinking. My 21+ year old roommate was tossing in bed when I left this morning--hangover. I knew she had to get up and go to work not long after me, so I set up her hangover-suppression routine: one glass of water next to the bed, a Tylenol on the side, another glass of water at the sink, and the path to the bathroom cleared of toe-jamming obstacles.

I’ve done this whole working with hangover thing once--I worked at Potbelly at the time--so you can understand why I've never done that again. When it comes to writing for a living, though, I can’t help but wonder if Absinthe-chugging writers like Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde wrote their best after a serious hangover. Maybe their drinking was basically brain exfoliation: killing off the old, unproductive brain cells to reveal the gushing geysers of legendary creativity.

While I’ve opted out of testing this hypothesis, I fully support anyone interested in thorough experimentation. The Friday Ad Haiku: The Writer's Hangover

Spare the rod and you’ll
Spoil the brain; so punish it
With late night drinking.

-Hannah Cheng, Good Girl Creative Department Intern

Previously in the Friday 5-7-5: Spec Work

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HD or Bad Trip?

While doing some research on HD commercials I came across these two gems. The first, titled "Experiment" is actually more than two years old and is from Fallon London, the company behind two previous Sony Bravia spots--Balls and Paint. This one, however, features every Sony HD product you can think of, plus a poodle, half a '71 mustang and Iron Maiden. After this assault on your senses, you may need a cold shower afterwards.



Do you think that was some creative director's last hurrah? Okay guys, I've always wanted to do a commercial with all of these things. Oh, and does anyone recognize the pooch from this spot? He must be the Christopher Walken of advertising.

This next spot won't cause you to question your religion, but it does raise some serious ethical questions about Samsung.



We're Samsung. And we want to tease your baby.

-Captain Awesome, Copywriter

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God the Bounty Hunter

In Baltimore, we do small business big. Like, biblically big:

I was barely able to get a picture off before this guy ascended into heaven (or turned down Lexington Street), leaving me with nothing but questions. Can't blame him for wanting to affiliate his company with a blue-chip name, I guess.

It gets better. They have access to a video camera, editing equipment and local cable ad buys:






Safe to say the Man Upstairs has put Judgment Day on His calendar. In ink.

Other acts of vehicular adslaughter: Rage Rover; Your Busses Are Belong to Us.
And the ad gospel according to J-hizzy: Spiritual Water; ShamWow for the Soul.

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How to be a social media jerkhole: Follow everyone who follows you on Twitter.

In a perfect world, there's nothing wrong with returning a favor. Being cordial and such. But Twitter's not the real world. It's a bizarro world where people take pictures of lunch and share it with friends. It's a good world. A world you should be a part of - particularly in this business. But a strange world.

And while reciprocity is a cornerstone of social media, it's also the conduit for spammers to get in your face, kinda like a little kid who sneezes in your mouth when trying to give you a hug. See, spammers are brilliant bastards. Where there's a channel available to reach people, there'll be someone looking to abuse it in bulk.

Blindly following them is part of the problem. It encourages them. And it makes it a lot harder for spammers to push the Follower/Following threshold that Twitter uses to keep spam out.

So don't do it. Be more selective. No one likes a followslut. Before you go following someone like @$workathome on Twitter, use a vetting process. Don't have one? Here's what I look for before I give my love away:

1. Follower-to-Following Ratio. Not the end all be all, but it's a good start. If they are following WAY more people than are following them back, think twice. It's probably not worth it. Their account'll probably be suspended by Twitter for violating TOS anyway. On the other hand, if someone has more followers than the number of folks they're following, it could mean that they are a valuable source of info and conversation, and that they don't give freely of their attention. Or it could mean they follow a crap-ton of people, then ditch them later on to make their follow-ratio look good - kinda like the cheerleader who dates the lovable dork, but then totally stands him up to go to prom with the quarterback. Or something.

2. Profile Page. Did the user build a bio? Are they using the default Twitter avatar? Or did they take time to upload a picture? Is there a background design? Spammers deal in bulk and rarely build this stuff out. If I don't see any effort to build a profile, I don't follow.

3. Location. I'm a homer. I admit it. Even if the Orioles waterproof the basement of the American League East for the rest of my life, I'll continue to root for them. And for Baltimore. If you're from my town, you get preferential treatment. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt because there's a better likelihood that you'll have something to say that interests me, whether it's recommending a local coffee shop or suggesting places around town not to get shot.

4. Tweet Content. I look for a good mix of retweet, @ mentions, and link sharing. It tells me that the user reads and shares others' content, has conversations, and posts potentially interesting information. They could be worth a follow. If any of their tweets include the phrases "making money from home", "look at my pictures", or "social media expert": run.

5. Frequency of retweets. I like an active tweeter. What I can't stand is someone who tweets incessantly and clogs my twitter stream. It gets exhausting to follow. Set a tolerance level - how many tweets are you willing to see from this person per hour? For me, if you tweet more than 6 times per hour consistently, I won't follow.

6. API. If I'm still on the fence, I check the API (Application Programming Interface) the user's broadcasting their tweets over. Are they using Tweetdeck? The web? Twitterfeed? That can help give you clues as to whether this is simply an account that rebroadcasts RSS feeds or is manned by a sentient being. I prefer to follow people who talk back.

So, what's your process? How do you determine which followers make the cut and which ones can go pound spam?

Previously in How To Be a Social Jerkhole: Talk about yourself all the time.

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