They Call Me Captain Awesome...by "they" I mean "I"

Captain Awesome—not to be confused with any legitimate super hero, entertainment likeness or public official—has many philosophies on life, and each one confuses him more than the next. However, his favorite is this: there’s a smart and simple way to do almost everything. Even Einstein’s theory of special relativity only had 5 characters—E=mc2. And he was, like, really smart. So if you ever find that you’ve spent more than 45 minutes trying to figure something out, stop. Then think, is this idea any smarter than the one I had 45 minutes ago? If your answer is no, go back to that first idea. Either that or make a sandwich and contemplate the fact that maybe you just weren’t supposed to figure this one out. I also believe in elves. I totally saw one once. I swear.

This was my old bio, and I just couldn't bear to delete it. To check out my new bio, click on author bios to the right or this link, right here.