Two from Taft

Our intrepid Course Developer makes a triumphant return to the blogosphere after a 7-month hiatus to study the mating habits of people who attend Gwar concerts.

Blinking Signs Confuse Me.
Do we really need more distractions while driving? I already have a hard time taking my eyes off the blinking Mr. Boh sign keeping a one-eyed watch over Brewer's Hill while I'm driving on I-95. Though I usually try to remind myself that keeping my eyes on the road while driving at 60 miles an hour is a bit more important.

Now, it's large, illuminated billboards on trucks that threaten to draw my attention. Smashing into the car in front of me while admiring the moving billboard on the truck next to me would probably grab my attention as well. Save those lighted advertisements for when the truck is parked. I’d rather focus on the road, and flipping off the driver that felt the need to cut me off. Hmm, Jersey tags. Imagine that.


Pedigree Commercials Make Me Cry.
The simple notes of the song from the Pedigree Adoption Drive commercials are enough to spiral me into a deep depression. I use my DVR to rewind the commercials about 3 or 4 more times so I can cry more. I call other people into the room to watch and cry with me. I peruse the Pedigree Adoption Drive website and feel hopeful when I see the tag line, “Helping to cure people of their doglessness.” Yes, help me, Pedigree! It hurts. I delude myself with thoughts that I could properly care for a dog with my hectic schedule and limited finances. Once I get past that notion, I get on Petfinder and look for dogs I could adopt...for my parents. I could go to their house and visit the dog at my convenience, and my parents could take care of it and pay the vet bills. Everyone wins.



These commercials affect me more than any other ad campaign I can remember. When I do finally get a dog, will I stuff him with Pedigree? Probably not. In the past, my dogs ate Purina Pro Plan, so I would stick with that. I will, however, donate some money to my local animal shelter this year; I'm sure that's what Pedigree wanted me to do anyway, right? They may not move any dog food, but just think how happy their stockholders will be when a sagging bottom line is buoyed by good karma. It's practically as good as cash.

Then I could brainstorm ways to drop a dog off at my parents’ house in the middle of the night without getting caught.

Alicia Taft, Course Developer/Jr. Copywriter

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Friday Ad Haiku: Microsoft's $300M "Project"

Normally, I try to keep the Friday 5-7-5 a little breezy, but recent news of Crispin Porter & Bogusky's successful pitch for Microsoft's latest Windows campaign has got me all hot and bothered. A project worth 300 million smackers will do that to anyone, I suppose. I'm curious to see how CP&B intends to reverse the thorough ass-kicking that Microsoft's image has taken from not only Apple's brilliantly choreographed Mac vs. PC campaign, but also the failure of Vista to not suck.

They helped Burger King reclaim its flame-broiled throne, but this is Sysiphean in comparison.

To our ad brothers-in-arms, for what it's worth, a word of advice:

It worked for Whopper

But don't bother with Vista

No one would Freak Out.

Previously in the Friday 5-7-5: False Advertising

M.M.McDermott, ACD/Copywriter/Hot Mess

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Intern Sweatshop: A New Series

One of the great things about working at a mid-size agency: you get the opportunity to stick your hands in the guts pail of sundry tasks and duties; job titles are more like suggestions than pay grades. I rather like that. Only downside is these duties sometimes eat into my non-billable tasks such as throwing prima donna temper tantrums, stealing editors' food from the kitchen, and, most importantly, the sweet release of blogging. It's a busy time around the shop as of late and, seeing as how I can only expect the Cap'n to post so many ad blogs about shots to the groin and pooping snowmen, we're going to open up a new series 'round these parts.

Submitted for your approval, the first in a series of blogs from our agency's favorite renewable source of semi-forced free labor, the intern pool. --ed.

The Starbucks Shutdown
National companies thrive on television advertisements as a way to pound their ideas into the minds of consumers. Up until recently, Starbucks hasn’t followed this mantra. Somehow, it still manages to maintain a healthy caffeinated cult. But on February 26th those who worship at the altar of the almighty non-fat frappe were forsaken. For three hours anyway. Starbucks closed its 7,100 doors for a “coffee break” to retrain unenthusiastic baristas. Americans had a caffeine meltdown. The news was posted nationally across the U.S. in papers, on the internet, and on television, inadvertently giving Starbucks what they are known for not doing: advertising.

What happened to Dunkin Donuts, or reasonably priced 7-Eleven for coffee, or any other advertising coffee joint?

Well, Dunkin Donuts got wind of the “coffee break” and made a pitch to win over Starbuckees by giving out free coffee; they needed to. It was an attempt to save some face. Perhaps we can distract you with our new foam-filled latte. We even made it somewhat expensive and tiny, although not up to par with the normal four-dollar tall Starbucks latte. Maybe a box of munchkins will make up for a three-hour caffeine-induced headache.

Americans need Starbucks coffee like they need cigarettes or Britney Spears in tabloids drinking Starbucks while smoking cigarettes. Dunkin Donuts can probably give up hope to win over Starbuckees. Overly-priced coffee is what the world wants, not Milky Way hot chocolate. Sorry, guys.

Megan Stewart, Intern

Related: Micky D's skims latte lovers from Fourbucks.

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Top 6 “No’s”, Captain Awesome Is Told Nearly Every Week

1. No, the client does not want a commercial that has an alien mothership blowing up the Arizona coastline.

2. No, the client does not want an alien mothership.

3. No, the client does not want to blow up the Arizona coastline.

4. No, we’re not going to send you to the Arizona coastline. Arizona doesn’t even have a coastline.
Captain Awesome looks confused.

5. No, we haven’t found someone to replace you yet. Every time we mention salary, the interviewee just starts laughing.

6. No, you can’t write a blog about this. Now, go back to your office…cubicle…(groans)…Fortress of Awesomitude.

Captain Awesome scurries away, with his arms spread wide, making airplane propeller sounds.


--Captain Awesome, Project Specialist

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Friday Ad Haiku: False Advertising

When I woke up this morning, last night's "winter storm warning" was merely a light snowy fur. Of course, when I got to my car, I realized that fur covered a shell of ice. So hear's to building things up to be more than they are, things not being at all what they seem and "all the hype" not living up to expectations.

For Your Friday Haiku Pleasure:
False Advertising


Make-up. Wonderbra.
Pretty girl facade hides an
Albino scarecrow.










Previously in the Friday 5-7-5:
Account Executives




Captain Awesome, Project Specialist

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Tales from the Spam Filter: Sigh, want some drugs?

What, no more Viagra poetry or sweet euphamisms? No mention of "Angry Pants Sticks" or "Love Pencils"? Spamming Zombie Email Account (from an FAA-contracted aircraft parts manufactuer!), you disappoint me. You're not even trying anymore.

Hon, I'm from Baltimore. I bet I know more places to buy drugs than you do.



Previously in Tales from the Spam Filter: Neil Armstrong takes one giant leap for male enhancement.


M.M.McDermott, ACD/Copywriter/I got G-Packs, yo.

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We're not saying "throw the race". Just enjoy the track longer than the other competitors.

There's something to be said about an old-fashioned Assault and Battery. Or your traditional Grand Theft, Auto. Crispin Porter & Bogusky's Coke Zero campaign featuring fictitious Coke brand managers lobbying against Coke Zero has endeavoured to add Taste Infringement to the list of great American legal infractions.

Their latest efforts for the Daytona 500: hilarious. The Coke brand manager duo attempts to sweet talk, plead, and otherwise cajole drivers who sport the Coke Zero logo to please, please, please stay out of the winner's circle to prevent the soft drink from stealing regular Coke's thunder. After all, they claim Coke Zero's already stolen Coke's taste, those sonuvabitchin' soda pirates.

And even if you've never parked an RV in the infield grass or smoked homemade squirrel beef jerky in a racetrack port-a-potty, you'll enjoy the dig they get in at Tony Stewart at the end.

M.M.McDermott, ACD/Copywriter/Pole Positioned

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