"There's no chin behind his beard...just another fist."

(Clockwise from top left: Noah Thomason, Director of Production; Chuck Norris, Black Belt Patriot; M.M. McDermott, Assoc. Creative Dir.; Robert Taylor, Chief Strategy Officer; Jason Stern, Production Coordinator; Captain Awesome, Copywriter)

The spot we produced for the NRA featuring Chuck Norris hit the airwaves the other day. We marked the occasion with a good ol' fashioned Beard-Off. Some fared better than others (and the Cap'n totally missed the point with his questionable manscaping).

Lock and load.

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OMG! R U 4 CHNG N HOPE 2?

Slate Magazine reports political scientists at Yale have determined the marketing tactics voters respond to most during campaign season.

Their findings shouldn't be much of a surprise for anyone who pays any attention to consumer habits or, barring that, uses common sense. In-person interaction still pulls rank in terms of effectiveness. Automated phone calls, on the other hand, rank at the bottom of the list, just behind stashing a wad of cash into the trunk of '72 Buick and pushing it off a bridge.

One tidbit pulled from the fact-crunching meat grinder was the effectiveness of text messaging. The Obama campaign has employed the tactic in lieu of automated phone calls, still a staple of many--if not most--political campaigns. It's allowed them to target their messages not only by geography, but even down to personal details provided by the hundreds of thousands of Changemongers who signed up for the mailing list.

With one vote converted for every 25 people contacted, it falls behind the conversion rate of one vote per 14 contacts that in-person canvassing produces. But when costs per converted vote are tallied, it's ridiculously cheap. A vote converted from text messaging costs about $1.50 compared to $29 for a vote coaxed through person-to-person contact.

Don't expect text messaging to perform like that in the future though. If there's one thing marketers (particularly, political marketers) know how to do, it's wear out a good thing. They'll ride that pony all the way to the Alpo plant.

But for now, it's working. That leaves at least one question unanswered: How long before we finally retire the automated phone call? It may mean waiting for the old-guard politicians to go extinct. They'll no doubt be buried in their diamond-encrusted tombs with their auto-dialers and door leaflets.

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Friday Ad Haiku: Screamer Spots

You may call them screamers, barkers or the Mays/Lesko special. Frequently found on daytime TV and after midnight between the local personal injury firm and phone "party" line commercials--they're the bane of every copywriter's existence. They're the low budget ads that look like they were made 20 years ago by the graphic wizards behind Press Your Luck and Flash Gordon. But they pay a hell of a lot of bills while agencies and production companies alike await the greenlight for their next The Matrix, because let's face it, most people looking to make a commercial don't have budgets like Saturn or Toyota.

Your Friday Ad Haiku: The Screamer Spot

1-800-Call-
Us. 1-800-Call-Us.
1-800-Call-

Us. Visit us on
the Web at 1-800-
Call-Us.com. That's

1-800-Call-
Us. Call right now. Us. Today.
Call. Us.--Who cares if haikus only have 5 syllables in the final line. This commercial isn't airing in China. Let's work in the phone number one more time. 1-800-Call-Us...Call today.

--Captain Awesome, Copywriter

PS From people who've met Billy Mays and Matt Lesko, I've heard they're both pretty awesome guys.

Last Week on the Friday 5-7-5: Rush Jobs

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The David Hasselhoff of Blogs

The Cap'n brought it to my attention that the Agency Confessional somehow ended up ranked #69 (aww yeah) on the list of the top 100 ad blogs...in the UK. Pretty impressive considering we're based in Baltimore, MD, USA, where we barely make it into the top 400 American ad blogs on a good day with a stiff breeze and low tide.

It just reinforces what we've known all along: the Brits are ahead of the curve when it comes to spotting unparalleled entertainment value.

So we'll soldier on, putting blog to screen for the enjoyment of the dozens. Celebrities across the pond, and strangers in our own land.

Next stop: Germany. The 'Hoff's been put on notice.

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Your Friday Ad Haiku: Rush Jobs

Always-satisfied
Client, now wants revisions.
Just one hour till press.

Who's idea was a
Happy hour lunch? Type faster.
Stop sweating Seagram's.

Kiss it up to God.
Furiously rub lamp. Pray.
Happy hour, still on.


--Captain Awesome, Copywriter/Happy Hour Specialist


Last Week on the Friday 5-7-5: Blogging

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"I'm warning you...with peace and love."

Ringo Starr has unwittingly reinvented the warning message in his recent video blog update. In it, he tells his fan(s) that he's too busy to sign stuff anymore. Any fan mail sent after the 20th of the month will be hauled directly to the landfill (to keep his integrity company). The best part: throughout his message he continually exclaims, "Peace and love!" like he's been stricken with some kind of Hippie Tourette's.

Avertising and product packaging folks, take notice. I think the Lamest Beatle™ may be on to something:








I know I feel better about dangerous things already.


Speaking of warning labels: Ukraine cigarettes kill you to death.

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Your Friday Ad Haiku: Blogging

Blogging about blogging? It's official, we've reached the end of the Internet, or maybe I've uncovered that elusive, yet lazy 5th sign of the apocalypse. Nevertheless, due to Big Matt McD's new legion of hatefans at bthesite.com, I thought it was time reexamine the concept of arguing on the Internet...

...Aaaaaaand it's still incredibly silly and futile, but if you work hard at it, you can piss a lot of people off in just a little time. And what's the worst they can do back to you? Write about it? Like writing words ever accomplished anything. Sure, Thomas Jefferson got his face on Mt. Rushmore and the nickel, but he died with a terrible case of carpal tunnel syndrome, making it incredibly difficult to continually flip England the bird for the remaining 25 years of his life.

For your Friday Ad Haiku Pleasure: Blogging

Just had smartest thought

In history of Western

Civilization.

Must share it with world.

Britney...is...nasty...Also

I love Irony.

--Captain Awesome, Copywriter

Last week on the Friday 5-7-5: The Memo

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