Intern Sweatshop: American Automakers’ Last Gasp Is Passing Gas.

This gas crisis seems to be one of the few times in my memory where the industry has become responsive to the plight of their consumer base. Car makers who have been going green for many years, like Honda and Toyota, were quick to boast that their cars have always been gas-friendly.

American auto makers on the other hand are stuck with their true red-white-blue guzzlers. That’s how we do it in America: bigger, faster, and stronger. But Chrysler and Dodge can meet the needs of their drivers too—they will pay for your gas. You will never again have to pay a cent over $2.99. What, what, what?

It’s nothing new; the gas deals are everywhere. You can get gas cards at supermarkets, baseball games, and even a Nevada brothel (oh yeah, no kidding).

Car companies push sales gimmicks like these all the time. Rebates here, cash back there, and zero percent APR all around. So, how does this particular gimmick work?

Apparently when you buy the car, you link up a credit card account with a brand-spankin’ new “Let’s Refuel America” card, which you can then use at the pump to your heart’s content. So how can they afford to pay for your gas? I decided to investigate the fine print.

America is built on the fine print. Every major deal in history has its own little restrictions and loopholes (*cough* The Constitution *cough*). First of all, let’s look at what qualifies one for this deal:
-The program only covers three years of gasoline and only up to 12,000 miles a year.
-It only applies to “eligible” Dodge, Chrysler, or Jeep models, specifically ones that take regular 87 octane fuel.
-You can only use your Fuel Card with MasterCard or Visa.

Let’s do the actual math. What exactly will you be saving? Most Dodge and Chrysler cars, depending on the model, get anywhere from 19 (Chrysler Aspen) to 30 (Dodge Avenger) mpg highway. For this example, let’s settle on 25 as a nice midpoint.

Now, with 12,000 miles being the limit of your free gas, that’s 480 gallons per year. Right now, we’re teetering on the $4 mark in the Baltimore area, so we’re talking $1,920 being spent on gas every year. At $2.99, you’ll be spending $1,435. So what’s the final number on what you save?

$485.

It doesn’t even break triple digits. Over the three years the deal lasts (assuming the impossibility of gas prices NOT going higher), you’re saving $1,455.

The fact is this deal is really nothing more than the standard rebate and cash-back offers the car makers are giving all the time. Chrysler and Dodge actually save money through this scheme, by spreading out this incentive over the course of three years as opposed to an upfront lump sum.

Of course, we Americans are far too savvy to fall for the old $2.99 gas trick, right?

--Aditya Desai, Intern

Previously from the Intern Sweatshop: Hulk-a-mania

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Sonic, Why Dost Thou Torture Me?

Okay, I found something new to hate—Sonic, you know the Oklahoma-based fast-food chain know as “America’s Drive-In,” home to hand-made onion rings and a variety of fresh fruit limeades. Why do I loathe this fast food chain with simple, humorous marketing and 168,894 potential drink combinations? Well, despite frequently observing commercials for their “Happy Hour” or Java Chillers, I can’t actually sample any of their delectable burgers or refreshing “Famous Slushes,” because, according to Mapquest, the nearest Sonic to my house in Baltimore, Md, is 90.23 miles away—in LANCASTER, PA.

(I should note that although I am a fan of Mapquest and use it all the time, they actually take no responsibility for the inaccuracy of any of their maps. So a Sonic could actually be around the corner and I might not even know it, like the Arby’s that’s been around the corner from my office for who knows how long. But check out the fine print at the bottom of the page I used to locate my "neighborhood" Sonic.)

So why in the blue blazes am I being advertised to by a fast food chain that it would take me longer to drive back and forth to than to make a 12 pound ham! (According to the fine people at Smithfield, a spiral cut glazed ham should be cooked for approximately 15 minutes per pound.) (Also, 12 pound hams are not available at Sonic…America’s Drive-In.)

This brings me back to a Baltimore car dealership we consulted with last year. They were spending a million dollars a year in broadcast advertising, hitting people more than 70 miles away, while people in their own neighborhood didn’t even know they were there.

Now, maybe this works in rural areas where new car dealerships might be few and far between, but in a major Metropolitan area where the nearest car dealership is probably only 10 minutes from your home, the only way you’d get me to drive 70 miles to go car shopping is if you were giving away a free car with my car. The same way I’m not gonna drive an hour to get fast food no matter how much cheese, chili or crispy bacon I can put on my SuperSONIC® Double Meat, Double Cheese SONIC® Burger…with bacon…and chili. Did I say cheese already?

Now I often talk about knowing who you’re advertising to, but it’s also important to think about where you’re advertising.

Media Buying: Broadcast vs. Cable Cross-Channel.

Broadcast works. You know an audience is there. Even at 4 a.m. in the morning, SOMEONE is watching a rerun of CSI: Miami, or Beneath the Planet of the Apes on the CW. But broadcast advertising is expensive, and you pay a lot of money to cast a very wide net. If you’re a big company, say Kraft Foods Inc., makers of delicious Country Time Lemonade, you’re advertising to a large market, and you can afford an expensive media buy. But say you’re a neighborhood lemonade stand, rubbing your nickels together to produce the finest fresh-squeezed lemonade on all of Maplewood Dr. Now you could spend thousands to drop your flyers on all of sunny Pleasantville, New Jersey. Or you COULD print a few dozen and leave them on your neighbors’ front steps, because they are the only people who are going to bother to stop by your lemonade stand…right now. (I’ve seen your business model, and in 20 years, you’ll be giving those Kraft goons what for.)

Broadcasting advertising is effective, and when you begin to grow beyond your local footprint, you’ll need broadcast to get your message further. But at times, broadcast can be like throwing an enormous net into water where fish just aren’t that hungry. Cross-channel advertising may not necessarily have such a wide net, but it does have tasty little hooks you can specifically aim at the fish much closer to your boat—and a lot of those hooks (that’s a metaphor for frequency, meaning you get more actual commercials for your dollar than with broadcast).

When you think about where you’re going to advertise, think about 1) your budget, and 2) where is your audience. Do you need to spend millions of dollars on your media buy, shooting for the far corners of the state? Or could you save a lot of money, taking closer aim at the people in your county, city or town.

I think my message here is pretty clear. Sonic, please send my free SuperSonic® Cheeseburger with hot chili and crispy bacon to:

Renegade

co: Captain Awesome

10950 Gilroy Rd. Suite J

Hunt Valley, MD 21031

And thank you.

-Captain Awesome, Project Specialist

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